When I was a little girl I used to wake up each morning with a sense of wonder and excitement.
I was hungry to find out what each day would bring - eager to get up and see what gifts lay ahead.
As I got older, that enthusiasm waned and my curiosity eroded, little by little. By the time adult life rolled around, I had lost that state of being. Like most people, I found myself trapped in the monotonous grind of daily life. Every day feeling just like every other.
There’s a Buddhist term for the enchanted state of mind we have in childhood. It’s called “Beginners Mind”.
This means having no expectations, and an attitude of openness. Freeing your mind to see everything with fresh eyes and believing nothing is impossible.
On my way to Bali, I stopped in for a quick visit to Kuala Lumpur. I did some really cool things while I was there; one of which was visiting The Batu Caves. The Batu Caves are a set of caves in a limestone hill in Gombak, Selangor. To reach them, you have to climb 272 steps to get to the top.
The myriad of rainbow coloured stairs are a beautiful sight to behold, and the caves are guarded at the bottom by a huge statue of Lord Murugan (it’s over 140 feet tall!).
It’s the second tallest statue of a Hindu deity in the world, and it took over 300 litres of gold paint to paint it.
As I stood at the bottom of the stairs, drinking in all the beauty before my eyes; my ‘adult mind’ inevitably began to kick in. As always, it started hijacking my thoughts.
Here are just some of the things that my brain began to think:
“Holy shit. You’re so fat and unfit. How are you ever going to get up 272 stairs?”
“You’re probably going to get so puffed, that you’ll have to sit down on the way, and everyone’s going to laugh.”
“Actually, scratch that. It’s so hot here that you’re probably going to faint instead. Then you’ll tumble all the way down the 272 stairs. And everyone’s going to laugh.”
“There’s feral monkeys running all over the place. Plus about 5,000 people visit these caves every day. How many germs do you think are all over those hand rails? You’re definitely going to catch some type of wild, incurable disease.”
“What the hell! You’re wearing a Marlon Williams fan-girl teeshirt with a freaking blush pink maxi-skirt. You’d never be caught dead wearing this combo back home. Why are you wearing this in public, you fashion fail?”
Basically my over-anxious adult mind took over, haunting me with it’s ‘lessons’ of past experiences and failures.
Suffocating my experience by commenting on everything that could possibly go wrong.
It almost convinced me that I would be better of turning around and going home. To safety.
To a place where the scenery is all the same and nothing bad (or exciting) could happen.
So what did I do?
I begin to climb the steps. One by one. With each step, I tried to rid myself of the voices in my head that were hindering me with their expectations and fixed ideas of who I was. I decided to drown out the voices by instead focusing intently on what was happening with each step, moment to moment. And do you know what happened?
I began to take note of the pace of my breathing, and the warmth of the sun on my skin. The way my muscles were gently supporting me as I conquered each step.
I didn’t think about how long I had to get to the top, or how I was going to make my way back to the bottom.
I just focused on the now.
I began to notice the brilliant colours.
The vibrant mustards and golds. The cheerful purples and pinks; and the deep hues of red and blue.
I paid attention to the sounds I could hear; birds flying past me and the wind on my face.
The more I relaxed and literally focused on each moment, the more more I enjoyed my experience.
I stopped and looked (and I mean really looked) at the monkeys playfully leaping around, eager for food. I watched the eclectic mix of people who were also climbing the stairs.
There were beautiful women draped in gold-flecked fabrics; faces etched with the lines old age. Smiling tourists held up selfie-sticks and and pouted while pulling peace signs.
I reflected on the fact that this melting pot of people were all just like me; having their own individual experiences of this moment.
I began to look at the world around me with a peaceful openness; letting the moments unfold at their own pace. I felt free.
As humans we tend to forge our way through everyday life; ignoring the little things around us if as they don’t matter. We get lost and distracted by the thoughts that overflow our busy minds; leaving no room left for anything new. Sealed off from the outside world, we become so trapped within our own thinking that we forget to merely stop and observe the outside world.
We go through the motions; making our way to work/school/cafes/shops without truly noticing anything around us. We ignore our surroundings because they don’t seem important in the scheme of our distracted minds.
We spend too much time viewing the world through eyes clouded with judgement; instead of stopping to see things as they simply are.
As I made my way up the Batu Caves stairs, I became lost in the little things. I didn’t worry about the past or the future.
I simply allowed myself to exist in the moment.
My anxious thought patterns still arose (as they probably always will), but I gave them no power. I focused instead on my breathing, and the sensations that I was feeling. And gradually my mind grew quiet and content.
I was so busy marvelling at the sights around me that I stopped being so self-focused. I forgot about myself.
I stopped worrying about how unfit I was, or what I was wearing. I stopped worrying about me.
And it was wonderful.
I have tried to keep living like this ever since.
If I feel my thoughts starting to wander; I consciously try to pull myself back to the current moment. I try to look at everything around me as if I have never seen it before, and notice things that I wouldn’t normally notice.
Right now, this has meant taking a short break from writing this post, to watch the chicken that’s roaming outside of my room (I told you, it’s the little things, haha!). Simply stopping to quietly observe, as it pecks around the lawn at the offerings that were laid out this morning. It’s amazing how content just stopping and paying attention makes you feel.
Like a child, I am making a choice to collect and savour new moments every day.
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