A few years ago; I lay on the cold linoleum of my kitchen floor. I was a crumpled and broken mess. Soggy from crying. My spirit in tatters. I was absolutely, positively CONVINCED that life could never get better.
I have been blessed to be the Mama to the two most beautiful children on the planet; yet I was in such a bad place that I was confident that they would be better off without me. I literally couldn’t see how anything good could possibly lie ahead in the future.
Fast forward a few years (and a lot of work), and things DID get better - despite what I felt during my darkest days. I want to channel the pain and desolation I felt at that time to help someone - even if it is just one person.
So here is a list of 5 things I wish I had known when I was going through severe depression:
1. You Are Not A Clairvoyant
When you are in the depths of depression, it feels like the future is hopeless. Now, I’m not going to say something like “Things will get better,” as those words have such a hollow ring to them when you are experiencing such misery. However; the reality is; you cannot possibly know what the future holds for you.
As dark and painful as your current situation may feel, there IS a life for you outside of depression. Don’t make decisions based on how you THINK the future is going to play out, and instead; focus on dealing with the present day, moment to moment.
If you had told me, when I was lying on my kitchen floor, that my future held a beautiful granddaughter and numerous other blessings that would made my heart sing; I would’ve told you to shut up. Don’t assume that nothing will get better. You cannot know what lies ahead, and you deserve to find out. Again, there is a life for you outside of depression.
2. You are Strong Enough to Tackle This
Depression is ugly and stealthy. It creeps into your life and grinds you down bit by bit; until you feel that you have lost all hope. It can seem like there is no way out of your situation, and that the pain is too much to bare. It can be so exhausting to fight, that you may literally want to give up. But you mustn’t.
Despite what depression is telling you; you are strong enough to deal with this. You do have enough fight left within you. You can do this, even if it feels like you can’t right now. The strength is there - deep within you. You may not be able to see it at the moment, but trust me, it is there. You are going to take these struggles and something beautiful is going to grow from them. You are stronger than you think.
3. Depression Lies
Depression gets in your ear and tells you awful things - that you aren’t worth anything to anyone, that you aren’t wanted and that the world would be better off without you. It tells you these things so often; that you can begin to believe them.
Remember this: depression is a big fat liar. It warps the way you see yourself. You are incredible, you are special and you are wanted and needed. You are enough, exactly as you are.
It can be helpful to ask yourself these questions if you are feeling this way: “Have I always felt like this?” and “Could depression be influencing my feelings about this?” Truthfully answering these questions can help you to identify the lies, and help you to recognise and correct any negative self talk.
4. Fuel Yourself
I know that when you are consumed by depression it can be difficult just to get out of bed, shower, or eat proper meals. But you have to try. It is crucial that (when your energy allows) you attempt to exercise, sleep and eat well. Get your blood pumping, even though you may not want to even move. Exercise in whatever way you can. It doesn’t have to be anything full-on. Just a quick, gentle walk will do - even if it’s just to the letterbox and back!
As for your diet, depression causes some people to overeat and gain weight; while other’s are too exhausted to make meals, or lose their appetite completely. Despite how you are feeling; it’s important that you try to eat the right foods and get adequate sleep. Eating the right foods makes you more emotionally resilient and less vulnerable to stress. In the same token; getting a good night’s sleep gives you more energy, and improves your outlook on life. Try to fuel yourself in all of these areas to give yourself the best chance to tackle depression.
5. Get Help
When you are going through depression, you can feel completely alone - like nobody will understand you. Asking for help is super hard; and we are naturally afraid to be a burden on the people that we love. It can be difficult to admit that you are hurting; and it’s not easy to let others see you at your most vulnerable.
Reaching out for help when you are at your lowest will be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do. But your survival is critically important, and your life and happiness are worth it.
There are family, friends and specialists out there who will be happy to talk to you and guide you through this. Give them a chance.
It doesn’t make you ‘weak’ to ask for help. There is support out there, just waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to take the leap and reach for it.
If you are currently going through depression, I understand your pain. I have been engulfed by this insidious disease myself; and have been distressed watching people that I love be literally consumed by it.
I don’t know your situation; but I hope that through hearing a small part of my story you will realise that there is a way out of this dark cloud. You are an incredible person, who is immeasurably cherished by your loved ones. You are strong. You are worthy. And, you deserve to feel peace and happiness.
I wish you well.
DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757 LIFELINE: 0800 543 354 SAMARITANS: 0800 726 666 YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633 or text 234 1737 NEED TO TALK? Call or text 1737
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