I love nothing more than lying wrapped in fresh sheets and blankets. You can’t beat the comfortable and secure feeling of nesting in the ‘cocoon’. As I have suffered various bouts of depression over the years, my affinity for being safely in bed is deeply ingrained in me. If I am feeling anxious or stressed my brain naturally wants to crawl into bed; as that is where I have found solace so many times in the past. It’s like a form of delicious escapism.
But is it good for me?
Absolutely not.
It’s only natural to want to feel comfort. We are built that way. But when we remain in our little ‘comfort bubbles’ there is no room for growth. Unfortunately, you have to feel discomfort in order for any growth to happen. The more uncomfortable you are, the more your comfort zone will expand. The more you expand your comfort zone, the more at ease you will feel in a wider range of situations.
An example of this is if you are a default couch potato (like me). Yet, despite your urge to simply lay back and chill; you start hauling your butt around the block for a daily run. At first it will feel so painful that you will think that you are going to die. However, your body will soon adapt to the exercise, until it doesn’t feel so bad.
Another example is if you hate giving speeches; but end up in a position where you have to speak to a crowd a lot. Gradually the anxiety you feel will lessen, and you will become more comfortable with public speaking.
As I have spent many years hiding under a rock, due to depression; I am having to adjust my entire attitude towards comfort. If I am feeling stressed or anxious, my first instinct is to crawl into bed and block out the world. You can’t feel upset while you are sleeping, right? That is how I dealt with severe depression in the past; and those tendencies still lie within me. It’s something that I have to fight against most days. I also think that years of avoiding discomfort have made me hypersensitive to situations that make me uneasy; so I am having to retrain myself to adjust bit by bit.
I have improved by leaps and bounds throughout this adventure so far; and stepping outside of the boundaries of my usual lifestyle has played a huge part in my healing. However; depression causes you to want to withdraw into a little shell, and I admit that I still struggle with this. Somedays it can feel like a mission for me to go out and face the world; but I still do it. Why? Because little by little I am building up my tolerance. My strength. My ability to cope. And so everyday I choose to step out into society. Each day it feels easier and easier. Kind of like building a muscle.
We naturally get stronger from being exposed repeatedly to certain things; even though our first instinct is to avoid them. So make being uncomfortable a habit. If you keep at it, you will naturally become more powerful and resilient. Exposing yourself to your fears frequently is the fastest way to growth.
It’s just how it works. If you are struggling with motivation and wanting to take the easy road, remind yourself that temporary discomfort equals long term gain.
Lately I’m working on reframing the way that I talk to myself. I still slip and tell myself bullshit stories like ‘I’m too shy to do that,” or “I’m too unskilled to try this” in order to avoid things. Stories that are designed to keep me safely ensconced in my comfort zone. If I’m being distracted by these stories I stop and ask myself - what will happen if I do step outside of my bubble? What will happen if I move TOWARDS discomfort, instead of away from it? The reality is; growth only happens OUTSIDE of your comfort zone. It’s there that your world begins to expand, and opportunities are magnetically drawn to you.
But wouldn’t I rather be safely tucked up in bed; or happily relaxed on the couch? Absolutely! I’d much rather chill out at home that go for a morning run. I love sleeping in and RESENT moving my body when I could be rugged up. I find it gruelling. But; I try to focus on the benefits. My physical and mental health will get a boost; and I will start the day feeling energised, strong and refreshed. If I choose to lay in bed, I will feel comfortable and content. But I won’t grow or improve. If I continually expose myself to the discomfort of exercise; it will eventually become easier. And my life and wellbeing will improve because of it.
Try to push your
own limits everyday.
Don’t stay confined to where you know your talents lie, or what you are expected to do.
When you first do this, you are naturally going to feel fear. It is our brain’s way of trying to protect us and keep us safe.
Push through the fear you will inevitably feel - even if it feels impossible. Sometimes, in order to grow, you have to do things that terrify you.
I remember attending a business event, and being on the brink of a full blown panic attack, because I found out that we had to do group participation exercises. At the time I was not in a good place; and it had been a big enough deal for me to even ATTEND the event, let alone feel the pressure of having to speak in front of a group.
The root of my problem was I felt like a failure; and I didn’t want to share my shortcomings and faults with the group. Everything in me told me to leave the event immediately, and never look back. However; I pushed through the fear and focused on how untrue the stories I was telling myself were. I focused on some deep breathing and trying to stay grounded, and guess what? I ended up actually ENJOYING the group discussion; and contributing a lot to it.
I naturally enjoy speaking with new people; however depression and anxiety had made me feel terrified to do so. It felt great to push through the terror I felt, and come out the other end; stronger and accomplished.
If you find yourself feeling terrified of discomfort; try to channel the anxious, frightened energy that you are feeling into excitement instead.
Excitement at the possibility of all the new things that you are going to learn.
Prepare For Things To Go Badly
When you first step out of your comfort zone; don’t think that things are going to go amazingly well. When you first start out at anything; it is never easy. You WILL make mistakes and fall down. However; you have the opportunity to BUILD on that failure and improve yourself. Practice being always just a step or two outside of your comfort zone; instead of trying to take on too much at once.
For example; you wouldn’t head straight for the heaviest weights if you were beginning weight training for the first time. You would only end up injuring yourself. Instead; you would start with a manageable weight; and then build your way up from there. The same goes for expanding your comfort zone. This will ensure that as your world expands, you will still feel a sense of safety and calm.
Prepare to Fail
Failing is just a part of discomfort. Do you think that you are going to go from being a timid and terrified public speaker, to doing Tony-Robbins-level speeches overnight? It doesn’t work that way. You will have to put up with the pain of giving a few agonisingly awkward group talks before you can move towards that point. It’s just how the growth process works. You WILL muck up; but it won’t be the end of the world. You will continue to keep getting up and trying - over and over again - until you master it.
When I first came to Bali; just writing and posting my first blog post was a MAJOR source of anxiety and terror for me.
My hands were trembling when I first pushed the ‘publish’ button; and I wanted nothing more than to snap down the lid of my laptop and give up.
However; I kept at it.
Since then; it has become second nature for me to write and post.
Has every post I’ve written been a masterpiece that I am insanely proud of? Absolutely not. However, each post is a personal triumph. A symbol of me having fought through my discomfort to finish writing and put it out into the world. Each time I press ‘publish’ it gives me a sense of accomplishment, and frees up my mental space to say ‘what’s next?’ It opens the challenge within me to expand myself, and to aim to write something better next time.
Don’t Quit
When you are in the depths of discomfort; it is only natural to want to quit - particularly if things aren’t going your way.
Heck; I feel like that most days. I regularly feel like throwing in the towel and heading back to safety and security. But I can’t.
Because I haven’t yet achieved what I set out to do here. I need to push through the temporary discomfort that I am feeling and continue to expand my comfort zone; so that in turn I can accomplish my goals.
If I’m feeling low, I remind myself that before I moved here; I literally couldn’t even deal with discomfort. It felt like my entire world was over if I felt the slightest sense of unease. Through stepping out of my comfort zone, I have been expanding my world - little by little. Every day I become more powerful and secure in the knowledge that; no matter what difficulties lie ahead; I am constantly working towards being more equipped to deal with them.
What could you do today to make yourself uncomfortable and expand your comfort limits?
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