Is Fear of Failure Holding You Back From Success?

Frances Maia
Apr 6, 2019
4 min read

We are obsessed with success.

We are being sold the idea that we need to achieve perfection in every area of our lives - our bodies, faces, bank accounts - the works!

Every day we are bombarded with images and messages of what we ‘should’ look like, and how we ‘should’ act.

It gets overwhelming.

When you’re on instagram; it’s hard to miss the pics of bikini-clad goddesses (with their comments sections, flooded with the word #goals). You can’t turn on the radio without being told that you need to be out there ‘making money moves’ and ‘flexing’. (Love ya though, Cardi!)

Then; there is the beauty industry; constantly reminding us of our imperfections. Seducing us with a dizzying stream of elixirs and remedies. Promising to make us shiny and symmetrical; by injecting, slicing and sewing us back together. Making damn sure that we don’t forget how worthless and unlovable we are if we don’t ‘fix’ our flaws.

Having perfection shoved down our throats is not good for us. It makes us feel that we must look or act a certain way, in order to be accepted. And, it makes us feel like shit when we don’t achieve it.

Perfection is a fear of failure and disapproval. A fear of ‘not being good enough’. It feeds anxiety. I recently read that 56% of people who have committed suicide exhibited a ‘perceived external pressure to be perfect’.

Heartbreaking…

Let’s get one thing straight.

Perfection does not exist.

Nothing can ever be truly perfect.

Once you admit this; you’ll be free to focus on achieving success in areas that are actually important.

Here are 7 ways to stop chasing perfection:

1. Just make a start

When you’re focused on perfection; the fear can make you scared to even start a project in the first place. We procrastinate as a way to deal with the stress. We push out deadlines, or find excuses to put off the work that needs to be done. This usually leads to last minute cram jobs - which makes us even more stressed. Ignore the stories that you are telling yourself; and just make a start! It’s the hardest bit.

2. Remind yourself that ‘done is better than perfect’

Finishing a project or task is always better than not finishing at all because it hasn’t reached your perceived standards of perfection. Learn to settle for ‘good enough’ and watch your output ramp up! Start getting comfortable with letting go of the need to be perfect by experimenting with small things. Try sending off an email without checking it a million times first, or handing in a project slightly before you think it is perfect. It will get easier.

3. Strive for excellence instead of perfection

If you have overly high expectations of yourself; it can paralyse you into inaction. You may feel terrified to try new things because you might fail. If you’re fixated on failing, how can you take risks? You’re never going to reach your full potential. Strive to achieve excellence instead, and make it a habit. Excellence is something you can work towards and realistically maintain. Don’t let perfection stop you from doing your best work!

4. Put time limits on yourself

You can work yourself to the bone if you focus on creating perfection. It’s not uncommon for people to work endlessly on projects until they feel that their work is ‘good enough’ (sometimes never finishing at all because of this). This leads to burn out and a feeling of failure. Put strict timelines on yourself. Promise to only work on something for the next hour (as an example), and stick to it. This will help you to get things done, and stay healthy.

5. Stop using the word perfect

Do you ever watch TV or scroll through social media, and you find yourself saying ‘they have the perfect body’ or ‘they have the perfect life’? Yeah? Well stop saying that. It’s easy to look at things from the outside, and perceive them as being perfect - jobs, relationships, lifestyles. The reality is, nothing is perfect, despite how it may seem. And that’s ok! Stop using that word, and it will help you to view the world in a more logical way.

6. Practice being imperfect

See what happens when you let the small things go. I did this recently when I tried out adult colouring. I pledged to carry on and finish the whole picture - even if I accidentally went over the lines or picked ugly colours. It was hard, but I did it. Usually I would have agonised over a colour scheme, or ripped up the page if I made a mistake. But instead, I let go of perfection and finished the job. Experiment with letting the small things go. See how I went below:

7. Remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy

This is something that can be particularly hard to deal with; as feeling unworthy can be so deep-rooted. We are wrong if we think that people will love us more if we are perfect. Have you ever looked at your kids and thought, “Hmmm. You’re not perfect, but I chose to love you anyway, honey.” Um, hell no, you haven’t! We don’t place our expectations of perfection on those we love. So don’t place them on yourself!

To finish off, here is an amazing quote:

“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It'll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called "perfection," which will open the doors to the most important relationships you'll ever be a part of.” - Dan Pearce