My Story:
If I tried to write it all down, my story would take up about a thousand blog posts! So instead, I will try to bring you up to speed by condensing it into a quick ‘in-a-nutshell’ version.
Basically, I have from suffered from various bouts of depression over the last few years.
Some were severe; some were mild. Some were situational depression (caused by my environment) and some were biological.
During some spells, I didn’t even realise that I was experiencing depression. I had gotten so used to feeling desperately low, that it didn’t even occur to me that I was once again being bitten by 'the black dog'.
To make things worse, at times I was surrounded by people who didn’t know how to handle my depression. They loved me dearly, and wanted to see me at my best; but were at a complete loss as to how to ‘deal’ with my behaviour, and what I was going through. I was frequently asked questions like ‘What’s wrong with you?’, ‘Why don’t you just get on with it?’ and ‘Why are you sleeping so much?’
Even though these questions ultimately came from a place of love; they aggravated my depression enormously.
I began to feel even more weird, embarrassed and anxious. I was terrified that I was going to be frowned upon, mocked or chastised. As well as dealing with my condition; I felt constantly judged and on edge. It was terrible.
Over time, I have tried many methods to alleviate and improve my depression. Some have worked better than others; and some have literally saved my life. Here are some of the methods that have worked the most effectively for me throughout my journey. I hope that they can also help you in some way.
6 Techniques That Have Helped To Alleviate My Depression:
1) Setting clear boundaries
I didn’t used to have any boundaries. I believed for many years that the people that were close to me (family members, friends, partners) were entitled to treat me however they wanted. I would accept being treated badly, and brush it off as being simply part of the territory of loving and being loved. This isn’t true.
Just because someone is a family member, a boss or a loved one, doesn’t mean they have a licence to do or say what ever they want to you.
If someone is acting destructively towards you, you have an absolute right to hold your hand up and say ‘That’s enough.’ Offer them the chance to stop what they are saying/doing; and if they continue to disrespect you, remove yourself from the situation.
Sometimes, in severe circumstances, where relationships are actually dangerous to your wellbeing; you may have to completely cut off contact for a while. Create a physical boundary between yourself and the person who is triggering you, until you are strong enough to rebuild the relationship. Wait until to can ensure that things will be safe for you. Sometimes you just need a break from the battle, in order to heal and build yourself back up again.
2) Understanding that it's
not my job to change people
You know when someone really pisses you off or hurts you, and you spend a lot of time thinking about how badly they have wronged you?
You spend precious energy wondering how they could be so insensitive and selfish; and dream up ways to make them realise how much of a dick they are. You dream about how satisfied you'll feel once they finally come to their senses and recognise that you are right and they are wrong.
I wasted a lot of time doing just that. I didn’t even know I was doing it until I took part in a ten day silent retreat, and was left alone with my thoughts. For ten days I wasn’t able to talk, read or write; so literally all I could do was think. I realised that my mind was being poisoned by the angry thoughts that I was playing on loop. I also realised that these thoughts were affecting no-one but myself.
No matter how much you may want someone to be different, it's impossible to change others if they don't want to. You are basically wasting your time trying to force this. Realise that it’s not your job to change people. Pound and scream into a pillow to take out your frustrations; but don’t waste your precious energy trying to bring about the impossible. You’ll be amazed at how light and unproblematic you feel once you stop renting out space in your head to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
3) Not getting hung up on what other people are thinking
This is a big one. Sometimes we hold back from living our best lives, because we are embarrassed or worried about what others will think of us.
We stay in the shadows and don’t allow ourselves to shine. We fret over what we look like, and reign in our behaviour or dreams, simply because we think that people will talk badly about us.
People aren’t thinking about you even half as much as you might expect. We all have our own lives to live, our own dreams to pursue, and our own things to do. If you’re sitting around focusing on other peoples lives; you probably need to divert your energy into creating a positive existence of your own.
If you knew how little people were thinking about you, you wouldn’t worry so much. Just be free. Do the things. Stop holding back because you’re scared of other people’s opinions. Only you know what makes you happy. Go get it.
4) Practicing Earth Grounding
I first got taught about earth grounding when I was in the midst of a panic attack. I was breathless, my heartbeat was going crazy, and I was sure I was going to either vomit or pass out.
It literally felt like I was under attack from some invisible force. I was terrified.
I texted a wonderful healer that I was working with, and told her what was happening. She told me to get myself to some grass immediately; which I thought was kooky as hell. However, I rushed up the street to a nearby rugby field; which was the closet patch of land to me at the time.
She told me to lie flat on my back on the turf, and to ask Papatuanuku (the earth mother) to calm me. I instantly felt relief flooding into my body. It was as if the land was pulling my panic from me, and soothing my pain. It was one of the most comforting experiences I have ever had.
Now, whenever I am feeling anxious, overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted; I get myself to some grass, sink into it, and let my worries be absorbed into the ground.
5) Practicing Water Cleansing
This is another method that a wonderful healer taught me. When I was feeling extremely depressed and downtrodden; I was told to dip myself into a freezing cold creek.
As it was in the thick of winter, it was the last thing that I wanted to do; but I listened and plunged into the icy blue water.
I was told to dive under several times; visualising the depression and grief washing away from my body each time I did so. The healing power of water is absolutely amazing. I could literally feel myself being cleansed from my pain and worry.
Now, whenever I feel a dark cloud coming over me; I jump in the nearest body of water - creek, pool, river, lake, ocean - what ever I can. With out fail, it makes me feel refreshed and new. Whether it is symbolic or real; it always works.
If it is too cold and I just can’t fathom jumping into icy water; I stand ankle deep at the shore instead; and splash myself with water. This also helps to cleanse my wairua.
6) Using a Grounding Object
A Grounding Object is a small object that you can touch and feel during times of stress. You can use a rock, a crystal, a piece of jewellery - basically anything that is small enough for you to fit in your pocket and carry around.
When you are experiencing anxiety or distress, stop and focus on the object. Observe what it looks like, and how it feels between your fingers. Slow your breathing and remind yourself to come back to the here-and-now, until the panic subsides.
In the same token you can use your Grounding Object to ease depression. Focus on it, and remind yourself that there is hope; and that you are loved and needed.
This method helped me very much during my episodes of anxiety and depression. In fact, it helped me so much that I have created a range of Grounding Bracelets to help others with this. You can find them here.
I hope that some of these techniques will help you if are suffering from depression. It is not an easy road, and it is worth trying as many things as you can to get you through. Some things will work, others won't.
Recovery is a work in progress. But keep at it, and the heavy cloud will eventually lift.
Stay strong. You've got this.
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